My Body, My Core,and Me

How many of you have ever filed out a online dating and when you get to the question about "body type" on you pause and read the choices: Slim, Average, Athletic, More of Me To Love then maybe you expand or shrink the truth...? There have been times when I have expanded or shrunk the truth. I know physical attraction plays apart in dating, love, marriage, it is a natural thing to be attracted to people to not be attracted to others. Often times we here songs and see clips on youtube that talk about how important inner beauty. More often then not it is aimed at women. I would imagine that we aren't so blinded to think that men don't feel pressure to be bigger then what they are. I had a conversation with two really close friends. We were talking about dating and what we thought about the trends that are going on. We talked about all kinds of things from reasons why people don't date and different ways of communication, to attraction. We talked about how important it is to be strong in your core. The stuff that makes you, you.

I took this thought to the bare bones and really thought about who I am, what defines me, what holds me together. I asked myself if I didn't have an artificial leg who would I be. Would I treat people with the kindness I try to now? How would I see the world? What activities would I do that I don't do now? As I thought about this I saw core values and beliefs that held me together. Some of them strong and some of them weaker. This is because I chose to believe in the doctrines taught by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints it is the first doctrine taught: God is our loving Heavenly Father. Because I know that this is true I know that he has a plan for me. That plan doesn't change with or with out a leg. He wants me to be happy and return to live with him again.

"Each mornin I wake up before I put on my make up"

I am going to try and describe what it is like putting on a prosthetic leg and taking it off. Here are some "technical" terms:
 Stump- my little leg
 Socket- the top part of my prosthesis that is hard
 Liner- the little socket that goes on my stump like a thick sock and last.


"Each mornin I wake up, before I put on my make up." I have to put my leg on so I can get around. The first thing I do is put some baby powder on my stump so it lessens the friction on my skin while walking. Next I put on my liner, it is made of some kind of silicone. It is about six inches long. I have to roll it on to my stump. After that Spray the inside of the socket with a mixture of alcohol and water. I do this because the liner has baffles on it that causes suction. Next I push down inside the leg to get the air out. You could imagine putting boots that were suction and you would do the same process.

 Normally I before I step into my leg I turn my leg upside down so my foot is in the air and the top of the socket or the thigh part is on the ground. Next I dress my leg I put my on pants, socks, and shoe. Then I turn it over and step in the leg. My mom said she had use her skills she learned in her childhood from playing dolls to dress my leg when I was little. Good thing she played dolls a lot. ;) Once my leg is on I can walk on with my morning and put on my make up. When my day is done I get to take my leg off, and after a long day it is one of the highlights of my day. In fact, I think I may have a look on my face like a dog does when you are scratching behind its ears. This is most likely because I scratch my stump for a few minutes when I take my leg off.

To take my leg off there is a little air valve on the side that I push and the suction is loosened and my leg comes off. Yes there has been moments when the suction doesn't work and my leg falls off. One time I was in church parking lot on my way into the build and in mid step my leg lost suction... it was awkward for me and the guy I was with. I had to a "hurry and step back into my and not flash the poor guy" ninja move. We walked silently into church. Oh dear... that is a day in the life of an amputee.

FYI and Jokes

The picture above is my leg. I have a "tattoo" of an Aggie A on the side. The top part of my leg is call the Socket and the bottom part is the knee and then the foot.   

This is the liner. It goes on my stump ( my little limb) The white baffles compress we I put my leg on and then the leg stays on. (mostly) 

Before I put my leg I turn my leg up side down and dress it. It is similar dressing a barbie or a baby doll. My Mom told me once that she thinks that all the baby dolls she played with as a little girl gave her practice to dress a prosthetic leg.
Each morning to put my leg it is a little bit of a process.
Step 1 - Put powder on my stump. This protects my stump from the friction that happens when walking.
Step 2 - Roll the liner on to my stump and push on the bottom to let all the air out.
 Step 3 - Spray a mixture of water and rubbing alcohol on the baffles and step into my leg and push down to get all the air out.

There has been a couple of times that people have told jokes or said things out of complete innocence only to have the joke be on them. One time in high school a guy in the grade older then me was telling me a joke about a peg-leg guy and glass eyed lady.  It goes something like this, a lady with a peg-was sitting at a dance wanting to dance and a guy who had a glass eye came over and asked her to dance and she said "Oh wood- eye, wood-eye." he thinking that she was making fun of his eye called her "peg leg, peg leg!"  I laughed and told the guy that was really funny because I had a peg leg. His face went red and all I remember him saying is sorry. I thought it was funny.

Another time someone told me the joke about where the one legged waitress worked. At I hop. And I thought they were giving me a hard time and said something sassy back and they were really confused and  then we both felt bad when we figured out that they didn't know I had a fake leg.

There a times that I twist peoples words a little just to get a good reaction. More often then not it is some kind of ice breaker or bonding moment. HAHA

THE LOOKERS

How do you feel when you wear shorts? Why do you wear shorts? Maybe you are you trying to make a statement: "I am Sexy and I know it" or "I look so "bad" with my shorts." I think most of us are somewhere in between those two extremes.How about this, what is the reaction you get from people when you wear shorts? Do they look you up and down or simply walk by? Do little kids say "Hey mom his shorts are falling down." 

When I wear shorts there are all kinds of looks, questions, and actions that happen. There are the "quick peekers", "double takers", the "kindly lookers", the "real people" ,and the "curios child" 

 Quick peekers keep their body stiff  (sometimes they are more stiff then they where before they noticed my leg)  and only move there eyes as to not make it obvious that they are looking.Then they hurry and move up there eyes up and walk past as if nothing happened. With these people I like to catch them in the act, I say "hi" or make a loud comment about my leg to them. Their reactions vary form to embarrassed to talk to a comment back.   

Double taker people where a quick peeker until they saw what was really on my leg. Then they are transformed into a double taker by no choice of their own. Right after they have taken a quick peek they take a double look only to find me smiling at them when they look up. They too have been caught, and the have that look of "oh no" on their face. As we pass their reaction is about the same as the quick peeker. 

Kind lookers are the people who are looking and they know I know that they are looking. So they look up they have a kind smile on their face and sometimes a wave or say hello. Sometimes it is a look of "oh you poor dear" this usually comes from the ladies a few generations older then me. When we make eye contact I put a confident smile on my face and say hello. 

Real People are not afraid to tell me "that is cool" or ask "how did that happen". They are real with what they think about it. They aren't "hiding"  their curiosity or shock. I try  and be me back by being open and honest with my answers. (Well, sometimes I make up stories about my leg and how it happen. That is only if they are more of an out going person and they can take it) 

Curios Child are my favorite kind of looker. Sometimes they say nothing and get closer to their parent. There are other times when they ask really loudly "What happen to your leg?" or they pull on their parents arm and ask them what happened. In this circumstance I stop and ask the kid if they want to know what happened and if they would like to come and touch my leg and see what it is all about. Parents normally are kind about it and let their kids look and touch and some even get down on the same level as there kids and look and touch to. 

All in all when I wear shorts I come home from my day with all kinds of stories about what kind of looks I got that day. I don't mind at all. I know it is not every day that you see a person with a fake leg. Unless you have one! :) 

The answer to the most common question in my life

As I said in the last post my parents had no idea that was going to be born with the disabilities that  I had. The doctors noticed that there was some kind of bump on my stomach with tests they found out that I had an Omphalocele. When I was born the doctors took me a way to find out what else was wrong, because when a baby has an omphalocele it is common for the baby to have other complications that range from physical to mental disabilities. In my case it caused my right leg to develop wrong and and my thumb on my right is a little deformed. On the day I was born I had surgery to repair the omphalocele. I was in the hospital for the first 16 days on my life. The doctors told my parents about their options to help my right leg.  They were given two options. 
1)  rebuild my leg with many different surgeries as I grew up. 
2)  to amputate my leg partially and have me fitted with a prosthetic leg

 I was fitted with my first leg when I was two years old. At first I was afraid of my leg it slowed me down. I had learned how to get around with out it. The doctors told my parents  to put my leg in my toy box and in my bed so I could become familiar with it. It worked! Can you image the neighbors coming over and seeing a fake leg in they baby's  toy box. HAHAHA wouldn't that be funny! Here are some pictures to show more of the story. 

In this picture you can see how my right leg was different then my left leg. I was missing a tibia bone in my shin and my thigh bone is shorter. 

This is after I had my leg amputated 

This is my first leg! 

This is me 25 years ago

This is me now

25 years ago my Mom and Dad brought me into this world. Little did they know they would be experiencing life through different eyes then expected. They had no idea that their baby was going to be an amputee. I heard a parent explain what it was like to have a child with a disability. They said it is like having plans to go Italy. You do your research and find the best sights to go see and places to go eat. You save and plan and get excited about going to Italy. So of you go to Italy, as plane lands you here the words "Welcome to Holland."   "Wait!!! What?" you think. You didn't plan to go to Holland you were on your way to Italy.  Now that you are in Holland what are you going to do, are you going to learn about what Holland has or are you going to be mad that you are not in Italy?  (This is a poem that I heard in a class I had, below is the link to read it. It is by Emily Perl Kingsley "Welcome to Holland")

I think each of us have spent time in a "personal Holland;" be it death of a dear one, surgery, school changes, health, a dinner plan gone wrong or a date you were so excited for that ended up being a total flop. These Holland experiences can make or break us. I want to share what some of my days in my "Holland" has taught me.  

http://ndsccenter.org/resources/new-and-expectant-parents/welcome-to-holland/